“I don’t want to mess this up.”
I believed her. Maybe it was because I wanted to feel the same exact thing. Or perhaps I was at a place where I couldn’t picture not being with her. But when she said, I really did believe her. It was a genuine response to a question I never asked, and she brought that line into the equation.
What is a guy supposed to do when the fairer sex offers a statement of such hope and determination, especially when the guy feels the exact same way? The guy has had it rough for a while and wanted an outlet to stir crazy.
“I don’t want to mess this up either,” I said. “You are too great of a person to ever fuck this up.”
Emotions can be hilarious and disgusting all at the same time. You want to let someone in, someone who is essentially a stranger. There is that grace period when you go from being complete strangers to understanding one another, which is exciting and scary. How much do you open yourself to that person? Will that person do the same for you?
I found out that the answer is a resounding no, even though I extended the olive branch and got a palm full of dung in return. Sometimes things move too fast; sometimes things move too fast and two people both know how to handle it. And sometimes, well … things just don’t work out. That’s life and one has to realize that, but even though we humans are aware of such minutia, that doesn’t mean we have to accept it or expect things not to work out as well as we would hope. That just wouldn’t be human instinct.
But here I am, left picking up the pieces of something that was never much to begin with. Maybe that’s why it doesn’t really hurt much anymore. At least that is what I am telling myself because when I tell someone I will do my best to make things work, I hold my end of the bargain.
She didn’t want the same thing, after all. I just wish she would have said that in the first place to save the heartache.